Secret Santa
by Justjan
Summary: Secret Santa at Rangeman RS rated for language


Not mine, not making any money.

Thanks Candace for all your help!

Secret Santa

By Jan

Tank's POV

Jesus, I'm a fucking mercenary, why am I doing this fucking secret Santa shit? I asked myself as I looked around the room. The other guys all had their blank faces on, I know mine was on. Only Santos and Brown looked excited, but then, Santos looks excited about everything and Brown's almost as bad.

Damn Stephanie. I can't believe she's making us do this. I said no, but that wasn't good enough, oh no, not for her. She was fucking threatening me, with cutting off Ranger, for the next week. She knows what he's like if she's not putting out. He'd make my life hell.

"Hi guys," Steph said as she walked into the room with Ranger right behind her.

Good, he's not looking too happy either. Bet she threatened him with the same thing.

"Thanks for participating everyone," she said with a big smile.

Yeah, like we all had a choice.

"The rules are simple. Ella has made a Christmas stocking for everyone and they're all hung up in the break room. Ranger turned off the camera in there, so nobody will see whose stocking you put the gift in. Each gift has to be small enough to fit in the stocking. It starts on Monday and ends on Friday, you need to put a gift in every day." she continued. "Oh, and once you get your gift for the day, you have to leave it unwrapped, in your stocking, for everyone to see for the rest of the day."

"I've got everyone's names written down, we'll take turns drawing. And whatever you do, don't show anybody who you've got." God, she was so excited about this she was bouncing up and down.

I watched everyone's faces as they drew their names. If I have to do this, let me at least, draw a good name. Fuck! Eddie! Why couldn't I have gotten Stephanie? That damn Hector drew her, he had to have, he's looking too damn happy.

Santos' person sucks, he's not looking as happy now. Browns' sucks too, I saw that flinch. Good. Can't tell about Ranger's, doesn't matter, he'll just get Steph or Ella to shop for him – bastard.

Finally all the names were drawn, meeting adjourned. I headed back to my office and noticed Ranger and Steph heading to the elevator. Jesus, she's got him so whipped.

I'd only been in my office minutes when Santos and Brown slipped in, closing the door behind them.

"Eddie," I said.

"Zero," Santos replied.

"Manny," Brown came back with.

"Man this sucks, I wanted Steph," Santos bitched.

"Did you guys see Binkie's face?" Brown asked.

"Oh yeah, he looked like he was gonna puke right there," Les laughed.

"Even getting Ranger would have better than the guys we got," I added.

Hmmm, I looked at the guys, they both nodded. Smiling I picked up the phone.

"Can you come into my office," I said into the phone.

It was only a minute and a knock sounded on door "Come in," I yelled.

With one last grin Santos and Brown started in.

"Man, remember that guy that gave Ranger that boss' day gift," Santos was saying as Binkie walked.

"Yeah, didn't he end up on the night shift, for like, 6 months," Bobby remembered.

"Boss don't like suck ups," I added.

"What happened to the guy that got him that lame Christmas gift?" Bobby continued.

"Middle East, baby, Middle East" I crowed.

"I'm so fucked," I heard Binkie mutter, his eyes were wide. He looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

"What's that Binkie?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

"I drew Ranger; I am so fucked."

I just nodded at him. I was enjoying watching him squirm.

"Oh man, that sucks," Santos was looking at him with sympathy.

The three of us just stared at him. It was only a matter of time before he cracked. Nice, he was starting to sweat.

"What am I going to do?" Binkie was in full panic now.

None of us said anything, letting Binkie sweat it out. When he ran his arm over his forehead I replied. "Well, maybe, we could help."

"Really?" there was a hopeful tone in his voice.

"I don't know, this is Ranger we're talking about," Brown hedged.

"I'm with Bobby. I really hate the night shift," Santos added his doubts.

I watched Binkie. His eyes were switching between the three of us.

"Suck it up, we can do this," I declared. I took a long suffering breath "you take our guys and we'll take Ranger."

"But then I have to buy gifts for three guys instead of just one?"

Binkie wasn't getting it. He needed to suffer a bit more. "No problem, keep Ranger then."

The fear immediately returned to his eyes. "But, but-"

"Binkie! Deal with it," I commanded "And make sure your will is updated."

I watched as Binkie swallowed hard "Okay I'll do it, I'll trade."

We silently handed him our slips of paper and watched as he walked out the door.

"Sweet," Santos declared as we all bumped fists.

I headed to the break room as soon as I got to work Monday morning. I slipped the wrapped gift into Ranger's sock then turned to mine. Hmm, there's a couple small gifts in there. I reached in and grabbed the first one. Cool. The soundtrack to Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, that's real Christmas music. I grabbed the second gift. Hmmm not so cool, already have several pairs of cuffs. I dug into the bottom of my stocking and pulled out some gold wrapped chocolate coins. Okay, chocolate's good.

I was peaking in everyone else's sock when Santos and Brown walked in. I nodded at their silently asked question and flicked my eyes toward Ranger's stocking. They didn't acknowledge it, just grabbed up their own socks.

"Cuffs," Santos sighed.

"Cuffs," Brown agreed.

Each held up their new pair of handcuffs.

"What'd you get?"

"Cuffs," I replied. Seeing their expression though, I continued "Keep going it gets better."

I watched as they exclaimed over their Christmas CD's and chocolates. You know, this could actually be fun.

By lunch everyone had opened their gifts. Everyone had a different Christmas CD and a handful of chocolate and it seemed like everyone got a set of handcuffs. I wonder if they all went shopping together or if they just sent one person out to get all the cuffs. That is except for Steph, Hal, Junior, and of course Ranger. Damn, why couldn't Steph or Ranger have drawn my name, I would have liked either of those Xbox 360 games those guys got.

Steph was happy with her haul. She got a bunch a different colored hair scrunchies, a Christmas CD and about twice as much chocolate as the rest of us.

Ranger had stuck his gift at the bottom of his sock and covered it with his CD and his chocolates. Now why would he want to hide away his gift like that, must have been a mistake. I should fix that for him, heh heh. I reached over and rearranged things, putting his holiday boxers right on top. Come on, who wouldn't want a pair of boxers covered in candy canes and gingerbread men.

Good, Ranger's gift is already in his stocking. Santos is on it. I wonder what I got today. Crap, defense spray, like I really need that. Oh wait, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, the movie. Nice, that is the ultimate Christmas movie, and it goes nicely with the CD from yesterday. Oh, and a couple of those little oranges, that'll work.

Finally, I can take a break, I'm starving. Defense spray, defense spray, defense spray…. I hope they at least got a bulk discount. Ohh, Cal got Christmas Story, that's a good movie too, not as good as Rudolph but still good. Nice nail polish there, Bombshell. Oh, those fuckers; Hal and Junior, they got rubberband guns. What did you get Ranger-my-man? The Grinch - so suitable. And what's this you got hidden; Santa hat and some reindeer antlers on a headband. Hot.

I wander into Ranger's office and sit down, ignoring his glare.

"Nice Santa hat you got," I said poking him a little.

"Whose name did you draw?" he asked going straight for it.

"One of the guys."

"Which one?"

"Nope, you heard Steph, no telling on this Secret Santa shit."

"You get me the hat?"

I looked him straight in the eye, "No."

After a few seconds of staring at me he gave a faint nod and moved on to business.

Whew, glad I didn't have to lie. It's not easy lying to him, he has a way of seeing through you.

Come on elevator, come on. Here we go. Yeah, bullets. Okay so I could use them, I do go though a lot and these are good ones. Dilbert desk calendar, that'll be good. And lots more chocolates with some candy canes throw in too. Oh, my man has been here already, let's take a looky at what you got today. Nice work Brown, nice.

I see Steph got a little extra in her stocking, damn it's even overflowing. The calendar and candy, lots of candy of course. Does she really think she's kidding us, we all know she's the one putting in the extra shit. Ah, body wash and body sprays, and some Taskykakes. You go, Bomber.

Crap! Binkie don't spill your guts. You will be so fucking sorry if you do.

"Ranger," I heard Bombshell yell across the room.

I watched Ranger ignore her and keep grilling Binkie. Not good to ignore Steph there, Ranger. You are so toast.

"Carlos Manoso! What are you doing?" Steph yelled at him as she marched over. "You. Will. Not. Ruin. Secret. Santa!" she continued, each word punctuated with a poke to his chest.

"Babe."

"No, this is important to me, you will not ruin it. Sorry Binkie."

"Babe, today it was a "Santa Rocks" t-shirt."

I stopped listening, Bombshell had it under control. Spank him good there, Steph. Heh heh. Fifteen minutes later, I watched Ranger stalk off to the elevator, heading to the garage. Whiippp.

"Binkie, my office now!" I yelled out into the comm room.

"Sir."

"Report."

"Um, sir, Ranger tried to get me to tell him who I gave his name to."

I circled around him, crowding his personal space. "And?"

"I did not tell him anything, sir."

"What did you tell him?" I was still crowding his space, only now I was stopped in front of him, staring down at him.

"That I-I couldn't say who had his name," he stammered out. "I wanted to tell him, but Ms. Plum told me that if I told Ranger anything, I would be sorry. I'm not going to have Ms Plum after me, no way."

That's it Bomber, scare the children. They've got to learn the way of things.

"And does Ms Plum know who has Ranger's name?" I was now only inches away from him.

"Yes sir."

"And how does she know this?" I moved to stand behind him and asked this directly into his ear, making him jump.

"She came and asked if I need help with Ranger's gifts, sir. I, uh, I, um, told her about the trade, sir."

"You will continue to keep this quiet or I will help Ms Plum to make your very existence painful. Do you understand me?"

"Yes sir,"

I nodded my head toward the door and he hurried out. Damn, he is so easy to mess with.

Minutes after he left, Santos and Brown filed in. "Ranger is on the hunt. We have to mix it up." I told them.

"Steph?" asked Brown.

"She knows. Looks like she's trying to keep him contained."

With identical nods, they left as quietly as they entered.

Okay then, where's Ranger, still upstairs. Good and good, slip his present in his stocking. Put a little something extra into Bomber's. Now, what did Santa bring to Tank today; know about the eye protection and ear protection. Cute little plush reindeer, oh yum, ginerbread men and frosted sugar cookies. Now carefully put everything back the way it was. Not even going to look at Junior or Hal's sock. Oh Fuck, they got concert t-shirts!

Steph must have warned Sunny about this because when Santos, Brown, and I had walked into her shop yesterday and mentioned the secret Santa thing and she just handed over the days stash. We can always use extra of this stuff and it was worth it if it throws Ranger off.

I watch the upstairs monitors; this has to be timed right. Okay, there he is.

"Rudolph to Frosty," I spoke into the two-way radio.

"Frosty over," Brown's voice came through my earpiece.

"Target in on the move,"

"Roger, Frosty out."

I followed Ranger into the break room, and right behind me was Brown and Santos. Each of us carrying an identical shape gift.

"Oh, shit, didn't know anyone else was in here" I heard Santos say behind me "We'll just come back later." He and Brown turned around and headed back out.

"Santos, Brown, get your asses back in here!" Ranger barked.

"Rangeman," the two said in unison.

God, we've really got to split those two up.

"What do you have in your hands?"

Instead of answering the two just held up their wrapped gifts. I held mine up for good measure.

"You might as well put them in the socks since you're here," Ranger said.

"Nah, we aren't supposed to tell," Santos replied.

"Just do it!"

Damn, when Ranger's like this, best just to do it. We each went up to our original person's stocking and put the wrapped gifts in. Binkie wasn't due in for another couple hours, I'd get the duplicate gifts back from him then. Then we proceeded to our own socks. I tossed Ranger his.

"Ear and eye protection, " Santos and Brown said together, holding up their new stuff.

"Yup," I replied, holding up my own.

We, in turn, admired our plushy Christmas animals and cookies.

"Ranger, you haven't opened up your gift yet?" Brown noticed.

"I'll get to it later," he replied, reaching to hang his stocking back up.

"Why don't you do it now?" I asked. Hehe, what's the problem, huh? When he still continued to hang it up I challenged him, "Scared?"

Without a word, he pulled back his sock and dumped everything out on the table. He sorted his cookies and his plushy, leaving his wrapped gift for last. I watched as he took a deep breath and opened it.

Gingerbread man spewed out of Santo's mouth as he started laughing. Brown quickly sat down to prevent himself from falling down, he was laughing so hard.

"Nice earrings there, Boss. I think you should wear the Christmas bells all the time. We'd definitely hear you coming, anyway."

"You should wear them around Bomber, than we'd all hear you cum-"

"Santos!" Ranger growled.

Choking back laughter, I added "I don't know, I like the Christmas light earrings," I picked them up and examined them, "they really light up. If we have a power outage we could follow Rudolph here to safety."

That set off another round of laughter, causing Ranger to stalk out of the room, go into his office, and slam the door.

"One more day, Gentlemen."

Today, we incorporated Stephanie in our plans. I had discovered Ranger's chart, matching people up with their secret Santa. Interesting, he's got Cal being my secret Santa. Not very original of you Cal, good thing I'm making out the schedule for next month, huh. Hope you like monitor duty. Rangeman might not like suck ups, but I don't mind one occasionally.

Ranger couldn't pin point exactly who had him. I know his instincts are telling him it's one of us, but he couldn't positively pin it down. Hehe; I love secret Santa. He's planned a meeting first thing this morning with me, Santos and Brown. Nothing that important, just a way to keep us occupied while the rest of the men come in to work. See whose stockings are filled, whose isn't. Simple process of elimination – wrong. That's were Steph comes in.

Three hours into the meeting I could barely keep my eyes open. Brown isn't even pretending to pay attention, he's busy doodling on his pad and Santos has resorted to rocking in his chair, his eyes glassed over. Finally Ranger has had enough of tormenting us and lets us out.

The four of us all head to the break room, with Ranger in the lead. We don't even look at Ranger's sock but head directly to our own. I can feel him watching us, evaluating us, but we were expecting it. You don't work with a man as long as we have and not know how he thinks.

"Oh man, check this out," Santos waves his massage coupon around.

"Fuck, a full hour," Brown works his neck in a circle already anticipating his massage.

"Nice," I agree. "Ranger, what's your coupon for?" I noticed his is a different color than ours.

"Hour massage, from Steph."

I just nod, Steph doesn't like others touching him.

I look over the rest of my stuff; more chocolates and candy canes, more cookies, another orange – all good. I left my generic gift for last, I noticed all the guys did. Well, whatever. Hey, damn, new sun glasses, nice ones at that. I put them on and look over at Santos and Brown, they've got new sunglasses too, but different styles. Nice.

We all look at over at Ranger, he still hasn't opened his last gift. Hehe; they don't look like sun glasses to me. We continue to stare at him until he gives in and opens it to reveal a pair of fuzzy Rudolph slippers.

Before we could comment Stephanie walked in, wearing a huge smile. You couldn't help but smile back, even Ranger was smiling.

"Merry Christmas guys!"

"Merry Christmas, Baby," I replied, lifting her off her feet in a big hug. I passed her to Brown.

He hugged her and kissed her cheek, "Merry Christmas, Sweetheart," he said as he passed her to Santos.

Santos hugged her tight and planted one on her lips "Merry Christmas, Angel." He was thinking of going in for a second kiss when Ranger pulled her away.

"Merry Christmas, Ranger," Steph whispered and then kissed him soundly.

When he finally released her, she was breathless but still smiling.

"Wanna play again next year?" she asked.

"Yeah," the three of us chorused.

"Babe!" Ranger looked pained.

Fingering his new slippers, she told him "I'll let you play Santa later."

The end.


End file.
